A person very dear to me, and close (I speak for my own self) just got nikah-o-fied (muslim marriage ceremony) So? Am I Jealous? Err. NoOooo… not in that way, ‘cuz I am a guy, and ‘she’ was one of the closest of those I called friends. CALLED? yep! Called. Because as she’s getting married, she’s leaving the country. Poof! Gone! Forever. Out of my life.
The marriage is arranged, so she doesn’t even know shit about the guy that she’s being tagged with. All she believes in, is that her daddy dearest chose the best chap for him (‘n I hope he did), and I suppose she’s also happy that she got married before she got much aged (‘cuz getting married, is seen as an achievement for girls in our society I suppose…). So… she’s not sure if the guy can digest that she’s got male friends… (and I know how possessive guys can be…) and most does not, so yes, it’s almost over.
But I suppose, I am sad. Very sad. Because we were very good friends. Shared many interests. Dined together. Discussed everything. Liked somewhat same sort of music and even same sort of movies and celebrities 🙂 and the person who was more to me than a friend is gone.
I think, I was one of the few people she initially shared the news with, when groom’s side attacked with the proposal. I didn’t know how to react. All I could do was, congratulate with a big smile. All those movies like ‘my best friend’s wedding’ and its indian copy ‘mere yaar ki shadi hai’ started playing in my head. I wanted to say things… fight for her… not to let her get away from me… but i could not. Because I could not be selfish with the person I always cared for and called friend. She sounded very excited. Her whole family was so happy. How could i mess that up, even if I could. Worst of all… I had no alternate to offer, ‘n then there was no time or cushion also to come up with anything. I didn’t want to mess up her thoughts just because I was too scared to lose her. I still am. But she seems so happy and she’s already been tagged with the guy legally ‘n (inshallah) she’d be gone out of country in a few months. I’ve lost her already.
Now why AM I writing this shitty story here? Getting back to the beginning.
We all live in a country, which is full of stereotypes and where marriage is such a big deal. We are always told (and fed by the media n movies) that a boy and a girl can never be just friends. Everyone is suspicious no matter how open-minded or educated. And only to prove that they are just friends, sometimes and sadly enough, any true feelings that even do nurture during the beautiful friendship time, are sometimes had to be suppressed even from each other. The fear of losing the friend and to at least be able to talk to them in life ahead, they end up losing someone who was naturally the best option for them. The friendship is saved… the only person you could really be happy with, is lost.
The same catastrophe took place here. I could not muster up courage to ever be able to apprise her of my true feelings. Fear of ruining my friendship, the fear of me ruining my image any further, the fear of breaking her trust about friends and friendship… the fear of messing up her mind and her new-found happiness and excitement… has cost me dearly… and shall continue to do so my whole life. Only to prove that we were just friends and we are not supposed to fall for each other everrr… or else many people might have said… ‘see… we knew he was after her since the beginning with these intentions…’
So… A marriage is born…and a friendship is killed 😦
STILL DIDN’T GET WHY AM I WHINING?
🙂 Well…so if you’ve got a friend whom you take for like, your mirror or the other half or like a sibling or something you know you cannot live without, and you two gel really well… then value him/her NOW. Don’t wait till someone from abroad jumps in, and then you realize that you’ve lost perhaps the most important person of your life. Let them know NOW. Life’s too short to hide feelings. So don’t be afraid to tell people how you feel. You never know if they feel the same!!! (well… at least I know now she didn’t 🙂 so I guess, got saved from the uber embarassment)